the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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