remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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