is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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