I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
