Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I smell like Dick and happiness
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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