Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
