i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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