I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Semen is not good for contacts.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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