doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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