Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
