We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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