They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
