I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
That reminds me...we need to get swords
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
