Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
