rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
