i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
