Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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