I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
