Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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