The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
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I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
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If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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