Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
