I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
