Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize