May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
