she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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