It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
