i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
be right there i have to get my cape
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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