I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
