this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
