i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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