I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She has the best kind of daddy issues
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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