His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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