So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
