i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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