she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
