Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
