I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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