I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just want nice things and good sex
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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