What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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