yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
