she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
