counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
