i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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