Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
