I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
