And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
