My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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