Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
