the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
