When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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