I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
