somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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