Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
