Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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