My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
