mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
