I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
