I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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