So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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