Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
