you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
