how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
